i didn't think i'd make a baby blog. until just today i decided to re-read my
sister's baby blog and found comfort in knowing that she, too, had to wait a few months to become pregnant.
but gosh, it's a hard thing to wait for.
i struggle daily with entitlement with the Lord..."but God, we waited so long to even start trying"...and..."don't i deserve to at least get pregnant easily?"
so, liz: i hear you in those first few posts! :)
mike and i started trying for a baby in june, while in france. i foolishly thought i'd be that girl who got pregnant the first time. don't we all think that? when my first period came i was all like, "oh that's okay, next month." well this is month three...and i'm understanding liz's comment in her blog about the hopefulness & then drastic disappointment that accompanies each cycle. and the few days each month of elation thinking "maybe this time we can make a baby!"
i'm trying to be patient. TRYING.
i know it hasn't even been that long.
i know that up to a year of trying can be normal.
i just don't want to wait that long.
enter, my entitlement that i've already waited long enough! haha!
it's not a subject i can talk about to a whole lot of people, because i don't want to bombard friends or family with every swing of emotion i'm having. i'm already emotional enough! :) and while a couple people know we're trying, most just know it's coming "soon". i don't want to talk about it to everyone i'm close to, because i want to be able to tell them in a cool way once i'm pregnant instead of having a million people ask me each month if i'm pregnant yet. i'm hard enough on myself.
so, here goes. i hope i will re-read this some day and laugh at my spazzing...while holding a little peanut, that is ;)
