hello, peanut.

so, i never updated last week because it was a little rough.  i went in monday after three blood tests the week before, for another in-office ultrasound.  unfortunately, the doctor still couldn't confirm a uterine pregnancy.  and my cyst on the left side was bigger, so she was still worried about an ectopic.  thank goodness mike was with me at that appointment because i was so stressed, leaving there still not knowing either way.  he was able to be rational about it (surprise, surprise) and talk me down a little, and his support really meant a lot to me.  so monday the doctor ordered another lab draw & a high-definition ultrasound to be performed in the radiology lab at the hospital for thursday.

thursday morning, mike & i headed in.  my nerves were pretty frayed, and at that point i just wanted clarity either way.  of course, the ultrasound tech told us she couldn't show us the screen unless she saw a uterine preg...but mike convinced her to let HIM see the screen, with strict implications that she would not interpret anything on the ultrasound.  of course, he was able to tell right away - and then she turned the screen towards me, and we saw this!


of course, i teared up:)  we were both very excited to see a tiny in there, and not have the risk still looming of an ectopic (with surgery).  we could see the heart beating, at 118.  nice & strong.  looks like at the appointment i was 5w6d, so very very early still.  but he's in there!

mike took me out to lunch afterwards & we celebrated in our own special ways...him with an italian coffee drink & me with gelato:)

while we were at lunch we got news that our land purchase went through, YAY!  so we had two big things to celebrate.  after lunch we drove out to the land and admired the snow & beautiful mountain views.

happy day for us.  made complete by the cards pulling out a win on game 6 that night (barely) and going on to win the series last night.  yay!

on a less exciting note, my left ovarian cyst continues to be large - 5x7cm.  you can kind of see it in the ultrasound above...it's actually larger than my uterus!  and somewhat intermittently painful.  so i go in again in two weeks for another ultrasound to look at the size of it, and in the meantime i'm on ovarian-torsion-precautions.  so, no exercising, running, lifting anything heavy, twisting motions or *ahem* other activities until my re-ultrasound.  here's hoping it goes down before then & i can just move on with life!!!  it's really cramping my style.

so is this dang nausea...thank GOD i haven't puked yet...(knocking on wood)...

a treat from the hubs.

mike gave these to me the day after i found out i was pregnant.  SO beautiful!!!

i have the best hubs ever.

good news.

praising the Lord for good news yesterday.

my quant is up to 7800!  we'll redraw it on friday, and then another ultrasound monday.  by then the doctor should be able to see a little peanut in the right place...

still praying it's not an ectopic.

in the meantime, nausea has been kicking my butt.  i can't say i've ever been more grateful to feel crappy though! :)

p.s. on a random note, jane texted me yesterday "ok...so are you pregnant? cause i have been dreaming about you....been thinking about you for 2 days with little baby thoughts.  you are going to have a boy, i think."  SO WEIRD!  i played it off, because i don't want to tell my family too early in case something goes wrong.  but oddly comforting to know that somehow her intuition was kicking in about me, especially during a really stressful week for me with this pregnancy!!  and additionally, i've been consumed with thinking this baby is a boy too...we'll see :)

on eggshells. with a side of nausea.

well.  this week has been a little rough.

monday i went to see my ob/gyn because through the weekend i had some bouts of cramping & spotting.  monday morning i woke up to left lower belly stabbing pain...not cool.  so thankfully they were able to fit me in in the afternoon.  i had my first ultrasound, which showed a tiny pocket in my uterus ("maybe a very early pregnancy...") and huge ovarian cysts.  reason for the pain!  i've never had cysts that i know of, so that was a bit of a surprise.

i also had blood drawn and my hcg quant was 4200, so i'm definitely pregnant.  but the doc can't rule out an ectopic.  or a miscarriage yet.

i FEEL pregnant, though.  still have very sore boobs (it hurts to hug!)...nausea throughout the day but worse if i haven't eaten in two hours...exhaustion despite 9 hours of sleep at night.  i keep telling mike as i lay down for yet another nap, "it's hard work to make a baby!" :)

so we wait.

today i'm heading back in for a repeat quant, and here's hoping (praying!!!) that that little number has increased.  if so, i redraw again on friday and then another ultrasound.  best case scenario is that i'm just way earlier than i though.  which would make this the world's LONGEST pregnancy.

but at this point, i'll take it.

i'm scared.  and hopeful.  and walking on eggshells til this afternoon's results are in.

constant thoughts. and love.

not an hour goes by that i don't think of the little peanut growing inside me.

it feels surreal.

besides the general achiness, intermittent nausea & the bloating from HELL...i feel like me.  but i have a secret! it's so weird to talk to people right now.  i feel like i'm almost lying to them.  but i sure don't want everyone to know quite yet.  however, i'm dying inside with anticipation.  i can't wait to tell my family.  it's funny because ruthie was just out here last week and i didn't know yet.  i'll be 12 weeks around thanksgiving so i think i'm going to try to wait til then to tell my family, kate & mike's family.  it's soooo hard though.  a couple of my girlfriends know here, but otherwise i want to just make sure everything turns out okay first.

i've been having some mild cramping, almost like i'm going to start my period.  and some intermittent spotting.  so i'm kind of worried about miscarrying.

but i'm overwhelmingly just elated.  i can't stop thinking about the fact that mike & i made a baby and it's deep inside me right now.  but it has a heartbeat.  i love the little peanut already.

this explains a lot ;)

well, this explains the late period.  and how it was abnormal when it "did" come five days late.  it never really felt like a real period...just daily spotting, and it stopped after only five days when usually i'm more like seven or eight days long.  but i'd taken two negative tests so i thought it was just a weird month - thank you, body.  last night at work i was talking to a girlfriend who suggested i take another test, what with my sore boobs & weird period (i know, this is like seriously TMI...but it's my story to record!).  so anyway, i reluctantly schlepped into the bathroom, thinking my hopes would just be dashed again like the first two times.  but this time, that second line slowly showed up.

i'm pregnant.

and i'm overjoyed & praising God for this blessing!!

a day late but a test short.

my period is late by a couple days now...which hasn't happened before.  i'm like clockwork.

i took a pregnancy test this am though, and i only got one pink line.

hm.  weird & disheartening.

guess i'll keep waiting.  not very good at this part ;)