letting go.

julie and i were talking last night about how everything regarding kids looks so different than we expected.  i have always hoped to share pregnancy & that exciting journey of starting a family with her.  since we were in jax, we talked about going through that stage together.  

she's 30 weeks along and i'm not yet, and it's hard to accept that it's okay if we don't share the experience at the same time.  i think, as always, letting go of expectations is harder than the reality itself is. 

 it's not a big deal if our kids are a few months or year apart.  it doesn't change our friendship anymore than it did my friendship with jen when she had eliot three years before i even considered pregnancy.  but i think i always hung on a little that i'd have a bestie to go through this with.  i am trying to let go of the fact that even if julie and i started trying at the same time, that it isn't our story to write anyway, and who knows who would get pregnant first or at all.  it isn't our plan to execute.  

i am learning so much about my control issues, and learning to start loosening my grip on my own perceived control...and let God work in this, and grow me because of the challenge of waiting.  i do trust Him with this timing.  but i'm reminded of the father in mark 9:24 who says, "i do believe...help me overcome my unbelief!"  i feel like for me, i am saying to the Lord: "i do trust you; help me overcome my control issues!" :)

one step at a time.  today i'm choosing to claim what i believe:  that God is worth trusting with my story.  even if His timing isn't what my egocentric self thinks is best.  He can see the forest, i'm drowning in the trees.

He is worth letting go.